Wiccan Parenting!
Two years ago I married the woman I fell in love with when we were 16 year old high school students. We had been apart for decades when I found her. She is a wonderfull Lady and she is the love of my life!
However, she came with two teenage children. A sixteen year old daughter and a 18 year old son. These young people had endured a rough time with my wife's former being an abusive control freak. So I become a step-dad to two teenagers who are concerned about everything and had emotional baggage to deal with in addition to their concerns.
The step-daughter and I have developed a really nice relationship. Like any parent - child relationship we can get on each other's nerves or cross wires and have a bobble. But we are both Wiccan and we own our mistakes and do our best to harm none. This young woman has now graduated from high school, has a nice job and is preparing for college. I am proud of her, proud for her and think she will make some lucky person a wonderfull spouse and I know that she will succede at whatever she choses to do!
Then there is the step-son! He arrived with an attitude and physically attacked me within two months. I understand that he had a bad time with his mother's former but wow! I had to teach him to close the bathroom door when using the facilities, to flush the toilet when finished, explain and enforce a rule that men do not parade around the house naked in front of others, break a long time habit of fondling himself through his clothing in public, and try to instill some semblence of manners into this young man. Through all of this, I had to fight him and my beloved with every turn and every step forward.
Tears, fights - in general a mess. Then he get's arrested for shop lifting "Magic Cards"! Now, you know that I am Wiccan and so is my wife. My step-son claims only to be Pagan and disavows the Law of Three. So he doesn't get it that his life and karma are being damaged as he storms along harming anyone who gets in his way or disagrees.
At first, I tried to punish him for his stupidity and foolishness. That resulted in nothing but fighting. So I suggested counseling, both individual and family. No dice.
However, eventually I did force him into individual counseling or he was out. Unfortunately the counseling focused on areas other than family dynamics and respect for authority. I do think that for the most part my step-son is calmer than he once was and perhaps that in itself is a victory for all of us.
To date, he has made four attempts at Junior College and currently has a GPA which puts him in Academic Probation, along with his Criminal Probation. By the horns of Herne I get a headache just thinking of all of this!
Anyway, the problem with college is that he will not do homework properly. It's his nature. Ask him to do his laundry and he'll do half or perhaps most but never all and someone else often ends up folding his things. Ask to take out the trash and some will be left behind and cans will not be relined. So homework is done half heartedly, like everything else. Raise the question and you'll have a fight and then things get broken or turn up missing!
So I decided to prevent him from staying up every night untill 3:00 or 4:00 A.M. Timers were installed to shut down TV, stereo, computer and game devices at 12:30. Lights went out at 1:00 AM. World War III broke out immediately. Our house was a war zone!
My poor wife was caught between her misguided son and her well intentioned husband. She loves both of us and it really hurt her to be in this situation. She would rather put up with her son's preferences if it would mean peace in the household for the year or two he has left with us. I do understand her point of view but lying, stealing, cheating, etc, are not Wiccan values.
So to make a more peacefull home for all, I backed off. The guy has continued to fail in college, do his chores half heartedly, stay up all night, quit his job. In general, he has continued his self destructive ways. I on the otherhand can now sleep at night and my wife and I get along much better.
This compromise did not come without a price however. My step-son has lost his privilege to drive, has lost his health insurance as a 20 year old student who is on Academic Probation when only taking one or two classes at a time and has lost his access to the internet and his pornography.
I am amazed at how the situation with these two young people is so diametrically opposed. It's like she is a High Priestess while he is a beserker! Me, I am just the poor Witch who tries to hold it all together.
One thing is for sure, my wife and I have survived all of this in only two years because we are Wiccan and we are stubborn. It helps that we are very much in love and always have been.
I have tried to be a good Wiccan Step-Father and I have tried to learn and adapt as the wheel of the year has gone round. I do pray that I have been a positive influence in this young man's life, but I wonder.
We Wiccans are not perfect but when we come, we do so in perfect love and in perfect trust and we harm none. Nobody ever said living up to the Wiccan ideal would be easy. However, as I said, I can sleep at night and I know that we have done everything possible to help this young man as he prepares to make a life for himself. This is because we have stayed the course and have been true to ourselves and our way. My "Christian" father would have beat the kid to a pulp and thrown him and his mother out in the street. I know that our way is better, kinder and will eventually produce a man who will look back and know that those who loved him did all they could for him!
By the Lord and Lady I bless my step-son, my wife and all who struggle with this type of family issue with the brightest of blessings.
If you know of someone who is dealing with a troubled child let them read this and then perhaps we can email. I will do all that I can to assist other parents in like circumstances.
Until next week:
Blessed Be,
Stormy)O(
Parenting a nice child is a dream. Parenting a mean child is a total nightmare.
Two years ago I married the woman I fell in love with when we were 16 year old high school students. We had been apart for decades when I found her. She is a wonderfull Lady and she is the love of my life!
However, she came with two teenage children. A sixteen year old daughter and a 18 year old son. These young people had endured a rough time with my wife's former being an abusive control freak. So I become a step-dad to two teenagers who are concerned about everything and had emotional baggage to deal with in addition to their concerns.
The step-daughter and I have developed a really nice relationship. Like any parent - child relationship we can get on each other's nerves or cross wires and have a bobble. But we are both Wiccan and we own our mistakes and do our best to harm none. This young woman has now graduated from high school, has a nice job and is preparing for college. I am proud of her, proud for her and think she will make some lucky person a wonderfull spouse and I know that she will succede at whatever she choses to do!
Then there is the step-son! He arrived with an attitude and physically attacked me within two months. I understand that he had a bad time with his mother's former but wow! I had to teach him to close the bathroom door when using the facilities, to flush the toilet when finished, explain and enforce a rule that men do not parade around the house naked in front of others, break a long time habit of fondling himself through his clothing in public, and try to instill some semblence of manners into this young man. Through all of this, I had to fight him and my beloved with every turn and every step forward.
Tears, fights - in general a mess. Then he get's arrested for shop lifting "Magic Cards"! Now, you know that I am Wiccan and so is my wife. My step-son claims only to be Pagan and disavows the Law of Three. So he doesn't get it that his life and karma are being damaged as he storms along harming anyone who gets in his way or disagrees.
At first, I tried to punish him for his stupidity and foolishness. That resulted in nothing but fighting. So I suggested counseling, both individual and family. No dice.
However, eventually I did force him into individual counseling or he was out. Unfortunately the counseling focused on areas other than family dynamics and respect for authority. I do think that for the most part my step-son is calmer than he once was and perhaps that in itself is a victory for all of us.
To date, he has made four attempts at Junior College and currently has a GPA which puts him in Academic Probation, along with his Criminal Probation. By the horns of Herne I get a headache just thinking of all of this!
Anyway, the problem with college is that he will not do homework properly. It's his nature. Ask him to do his laundry and he'll do half or perhaps most but never all and someone else often ends up folding his things. Ask to take out the trash and some will be left behind and cans will not be relined. So homework is done half heartedly, like everything else. Raise the question and you'll have a fight and then things get broken or turn up missing!
So I decided to prevent him from staying up every night untill 3:00 or 4:00 A.M. Timers were installed to shut down TV, stereo, computer and game devices at 12:30. Lights went out at 1:00 AM. World War III broke out immediately. Our house was a war zone!
My poor wife was caught between her misguided son and her well intentioned husband. She loves both of us and it really hurt her to be in this situation. She would rather put up with her son's preferences if it would mean peace in the household for the year or two he has left with us. I do understand her point of view but lying, stealing, cheating, etc, are not Wiccan values.
So to make a more peacefull home for all, I backed off. The guy has continued to fail in college, do his chores half heartedly, stay up all night, quit his job. In general, he has continued his self destructive ways. I on the otherhand can now sleep at night and my wife and I get along much better.
This compromise did not come without a price however. My step-son has lost his privilege to drive, has lost his health insurance as a 20 year old student who is on Academic Probation when only taking one or two classes at a time and has lost his access to the internet and his pornography.
I am amazed at how the situation with these two young people is so diametrically opposed. It's like she is a High Priestess while he is a beserker! Me, I am just the poor Witch who tries to hold it all together.
One thing is for sure, my wife and I have survived all of this in only two years because we are Wiccan and we are stubborn. It helps that we are very much in love and always have been.
I have tried to be a good Wiccan Step-Father and I have tried to learn and adapt as the wheel of the year has gone round. I do pray that I have been a positive influence in this young man's life, but I wonder.
We Wiccans are not perfect but when we come, we do so in perfect love and in perfect trust and we harm none. Nobody ever said living up to the Wiccan ideal would be easy. However, as I said, I can sleep at night and I know that we have done everything possible to help this young man as he prepares to make a life for himself. This is because we have stayed the course and have been true to ourselves and our way. My "Christian" father would have beat the kid to a pulp and thrown him and his mother out in the street. I know that our way is better, kinder and will eventually produce a man who will look back and know that those who loved him did all they could for him!
By the Lord and Lady I bless my step-son, my wife and all who struggle with this type of family issue with the brightest of blessings.
If you know of someone who is dealing with a troubled child let them read this and then perhaps we can email. I will do all that I can to assist other parents in like circumstances.
Until next week:
Blessed Be,
Stormy)O(
Parenting a nice child is a dream. Parenting a mean child is a total nightmare.
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